Adventures from the life of Allison

Update #200080401.2231

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:33:44 GMT

My allergies are either getting worse and worse and worse, or I have something like a chronic mild case of the mumps. I’m pretty sure it’s allergies since it gets somewhat better with an antihistamine. My throat feels so itchy I’m tempted to stab a brillo pad with a pencil and scratch around in there.

Today was the first day my job switched over to our paperless medical records system. Call me old fashioned, but I felt somewhat defeated that I did not have a small stack of dead tree to prove I did something useful with my day. They’ve been telling us new launch dates for the past 1.5 years...I was a little surprised they actually went through with it on April Fools’ Day.

great lemon taste?

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 21:43:22 GMT

Drinking ~~Snake~~ Fish Oil: How clever marketing tricked me into wasting $25

My doctor instructed me to take fish oil for its alleged ability to improve one's mood. Sadly, taking the capsules led to the dreaded "fish burp" people so frequently lament about on internet forums. I purchased some with an enuretic coating when they were on sale. They worked great, but cost over twice as much as their non-coated brethren. Determined to save some $$$, I waited months for them to go on sale again. Frustrated, I finally decided to pay retail at the local ~~hippie~~ natural foods store.

What happened next was a horrible lapse of judgment I blame on low blood sugar.

While browsing the products, I came across Nordic Naturals Omega-3 Liquid. Yes, liquid. Not in capsules. Liquid. As in, you drink it. No coating whatsoever, not even a plain gelatin capsule to let you swallow it down without tasting it. Liquid. Pure liquid oil.

The bottle, however, featured a convincing graphic with a lemon and the text, “great lemon taste.” An employee vouched for the “great lemon taste,” proudly announcing that he takes 3 times the recommended amount ever day. He went on to describe exactly how he consumes such high amounts, mimicking the use of a giant spoon and clarifying that he does not have to drink anything afterwards to “wash it down.” No juice, no water, nothing. Just a “great lemon taste” lingering in his mouth for a few seconds, and he's done. He also threw in a bit about the company’s dedication to environmentally responsible practices.

I was sold. $25 later, I had my bottle of liquid oil and an angry wife claiming I wasted my money on what would surely taste like fish. She was not at all convinced by the lemon graphic. I repeated the sales pitch that convinced me to try it and got out my own giant spoon to prove her wrong.

Oh my god it was awful. It was an oily, lemony, fishy explosion in my mouth. Now when I burped, I felt like a seal who drank a can of Pledge®. Unable to bear such gustatorial abuse, I abandoned my hopes of finishing the bottle 6 days later. The bottle continues to reside in my fridge, taunting me every time I search for something to eat. I will start to throw it away, but keep it due to the guilt of wasting money and fish.

Today, I came up with an idea. Why not make fish cubes in the freezer? I bet I could get them far enough back in my throat to minimize the chance of tasting before swallowing. I am going to search for a suitable container to experiment with (a regular ice cube tray is way too big). Keep your fingers crossed for me, kind readers.

Christmas!

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 20:27:12 GMT

Boo with a bow
Originally uploaded by Allison H

Maureen and I had a fantastic Christmas. We went to my parents’ house where we ate yummy foods (I had my mom make Thanksgiving food because Maureen’s family’s Thanksgiving food will never live up to my mom’s), baked gingerbread cookies, lounged about and watched TV, played with the dogs, etc. My mom made us a calendar with photos, which I’m excited about using. I’m also looking forward to trying some recipes out of the cookbook we got, Top Secret Restaurant Recipes; we’re going to start with P.F. Chang’s Orange Chicken.

We got lots of other fun stuff too, including multiple products to keep me warm (e.g. a nice KU pullover, an electric blanket) and some $ to get new clothes. We used the electric blanket last night. Each side has independent controls, which is much appreciated because I generate more body heat than Maureen. I set mine to 13, and she set hers to 16. During the night, I kicked my half off onto her. She woke up to the super-heat of 29 and found me shivering to the not-so-hot 0 (I say not-so-hot because as you may remember from science class, there is no cold, just lack of heat). I think I will try 8 tonight.

The guinea pigs got spoiled this year. My mom bought them a treat log that is supposed to taste like vanilla. I don’t think they’ve had vanilla before. One of our friends bought them some fake candy, which is blocks of wood wrapped in paper. The guinea pigs LOVE paper. They also got some loofahs shaped like baseballs, which is really quite cute because they can carry them around despite their mammoth size*.

Gingerbread Creatures
Originally uploaded by Allison H

I took the rest of the week off, which I hope to spend cleaning house and visiting friends I never see even though they only live like 30 minutes away. I also need to spend more time socializing the guinea pigs, as Samson III is on the verge of becoming feral. Maureen suggested I wear rubber gloves while handling them to prevent a rash (damn you allergies)...we’ll see how that goes.

Peace, love, and happiness as you enter the new year!
~A

*relative to their tiny body size--the balls are roughly the size of their heads

Improved vocab = free rice!

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 06:30:35 GMT

http://www.freerice.com/

in free rainbows

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 05:54:09 GMT

Radiohead has their new album, In Rainbows, up for grabs in a mp3 download format only (those who wish to have a physical copy to stroke lovingly will have to wait until December). Here's the cool part...you get to pick how much you pay for the download. I intended to pay 2 pounds, roughly $4, but could not locate my Capital One credit card (they eat the cost of converting currency, while my Visa check card would probably tack on an ~~ass-rapingly high~~ astronomical fee).

After 10 minutes of looking for my [hopefully lost, not stolen] credit card, I realized I threw a lot of cash at Radiohead during my teenage/young adult years and felt completely justified downloading their new album for free (especially since their last album was quite lackluster...I even bought the special edition, which is basically a pain in the ass since it doesn't fit into a regular CD holder). I don't know if the free aspect is making it sound better, but 4 songs in I'm enjoying In Rainbows quite a bit.

I should be in bed. My getting on a schedule plan is off to a shaky start.

And as a happy ending to this not-so-exciting post, I am please to report I got almost 9 billable hours at work today. Score!

6 things...

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 04:24:57 GMT

Stolen from xmorningxrosex

The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy!
Then tag 6 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in awhile.

Maureen! (approximate time: 12 hours ago) Waking up to her was a wonderful way to start my morning.
Draining my iPod battery completely! (approximate time: 2 minutes ago) After reading something about how to extend the battery life of electronics, I am committed to running down the battery and then charging it back up all the way. My battery is gonna last forever beotch!
Setting my alarm clock! (approximate time: 15 minutes ago) After a rough two weeks, I am going to get back on a morning gym routine.
Thinking about the future! (approximate time: 20 hours ago) I looked at real estate listings online. I think it might be nice to own a house someday.
My parents! (approximate time: 2 days ago) We went out for dinner in celebration of Maureen's birthday. I ate fried catfish.
Fried catfish! (approximate time: 2 days ago) The catfish deserves its own bullet point. I rarely have the opportunity to consume fried fish anymore...for some reason, the only fish I enjoy eating in fried form are types of fish I have caught myself at some point in my life. When I lived with my parents, I ate it a lot during the summer. Now I think I only have it once or twice a year.
A random magazine! (approximate time: 7 hours ago) I got a strange magazine in the mail that really deserves its own entry. Perhaps I will have time to write about it later in the week.
Knowing html! (approximate time: 10 seconds ago) I realized I wrote 7 things since I was using the list tags instead of writing out each number. Getting an accidental extra happy thing (which has now blossomed into two extra happy things) is most excellent. High five!*

Tag yourselves motherfuckers.

*Said in Borot voice

Misc. medical woes

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 03:50:33 GMT

Last night, I saved Maureen a visit to the ER with my mad butterfly bandaging skillz and ability to make finger splints out of household objects. An unfortunate encounter with a bread knife left her with a gash to the bone. We had a first aid kit I put together to take on vacation...it still shocks me how much easier it was to respond in a quick, effective manner due to that first aid kit. I just snatched it out of the closet and went to work. I am 100% pro-first aid kit now. Maybe I'll go give a talk to elementary school children or something.

My allergies are sucking the life out of me. I don't have a doctor here yet...I think I might just look at my insurance plan and pick the one closest to my job/house. Not the best way to select a medical practitioner, but it'll get er done.

I witnessed a squirrel eating a slice of pizza this morning

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 15:40:29 GMT

squirrel eating pizza
Originally uploaded by Allison H

This is not a photoshop trick, but an actual squirrel eating an actual slice of pizza. You should go look at the series of action-packed shots on my flickr page.

Samson looks unkempt

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 08:13:22 GMT

Samson looks unkempt
Originally uploaded by Allison H

If guinea pigs rolled out of bed in the morning, this is how they would look.

This post is a subtle hint that I purchased a camera. Office Depot had a Sony Cyber Shot DSC-H2 on clearance since they came out with a newer model. I'm not sure how I feel about it. The auto focus takes a long time. I have 14 days to return it...I guess I'll try it out some more and see what Maureen thinks when she gets home.

the bloody aftermath

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 03:21:10 GMT

I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning today. Prior to today's visit, I had only been to one dentist in my entire life. Dear lord how I wish I'd spent an hour making the drive to see him again. Thirteen hours later, my gums still ache. I've never had gum pain following a trip to the dentist. I realize I've gone longer without a cleaning that I ever have before (two years), but should an extra year of build-up really cause the need to break out the ibuprofen? I thought I was being a wimp, but tonight my mouth still has the metallic taste of blood. Mmmm...oozing gums...

My painful experience was coupled with the Fox News channel. Those assholes spent the money to install little flat screen TVs above each chair, and then they put Fox News on. I guess viewing something enjoyable would have run the risk of forever tainting my ability to watch it again (sort of like how thinking about the last thing you eat before catching the stomach flu makes you nauseous for a while...or how you can condition people to hate pornography (ala A Clockwork Orange)).

I have a cavity and two "deep ridges" that need filled. I don't know if I can bring myself to going back there again. My coworker recommended a dentist she's seen 20 years, so I think I'll give them a call and see if they can do the work based on my records from today. If not, it might be worth paying for another check-up to find someplace new.

Oh flickr, how you torment me! (a boring post made out of boredom)

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 05:17:47 GMT

I entered the guinea pigs into a photo contest a few weeks ago. Yes, they have guinea pig photo contests. God bless the internet. Anyway, my boys did not win despite being the cutest guinea pigs in the world. I blame this on faulty photography. Since then, I have become obsessed with purchasing a digital camera. Maureen complains that our phone conversations are dominated by my whining that I don't know which one to buy. Best Buy employees eye me with suspicion because I come in to touch all the cameras on a near daily basis. My eyes grow weary reading camera reviews online. And still, the guinea pigs wait to have photo-contest-worthy photos taken of them.

It occurred to me tonight that I should really take the time to do something with some of the photos I already have. I decided to upload some random photos to flickr. Over thirty minutes have gone by. I want to go to bed. I keep thinking any minute now it will finish loading, and now that I've invested so much time it seems silly to give up.

I really am tired though.

Two random nuisances

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:50:27 GMT

Whenever I see names like Picaboo or Picasa, it immediately makes me think of kids eating shit instead of the unit of measurement it is intended to reference. Picaboo is especially bad since pica is a different color than boo in their graphics.
Livejournal does not spell check the subject lines of entries. This post was originally titled A random nusence, but I realized "nusence" didn't look right, and sure enough a quick google search confirmed I had it spelled wrong. Thanks for almost making me look like a total jackass, lj.

tomato + fish DNA = doom

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 05:21:27 GMT

I went to see The Future of Food* tonight. Like most movies aimed at compelling one to action, it mostly made me feel helpless.** It successfully ~~brainwashed~~ convinced me that genetically modified food and the industry behind it are pure evil. I recommend watching it.

I miss Maureen terribly.

Samson III needs a bath but I am too tired to give him one. It's details like this that make me realize I'm not ready for the responsibility of kids. That, combined with the impending sense of doom brought on by watching documentaries, is almost enough to make a girl get her tubes tied.

*If you chose to visit the link, be warned that, unlike the movie, the trailer sucks

**Seriously, I was slightly traumatized by An Inconvenient Truth. It's strange to me that people loved that movie so much...I mean, it was fine, but there are better documentaries out there. I thought it was about 30-45 minutes longer than it needed to be...no wonder my spirit was crushed by the end. Also, I find "inconvenient" an exceedingly difficult word to spell. I am willing to forgive that, though, as the title has a nice ring to it.

Guinea Pig Photos

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 07:28:20 GMT

Gus in his Pigloo
Originally uploaded by Allison H

Gus, slightly poofed, sitting in the purple pigloo

Samson's bad hair day
Originally uploaded by Allison H

Samson III tries to be a punk rocker

A.C. (no D.C.)

Tue, 22 May 2007 04:37:37 GMT

Another thing is on my mind, and I hope it makes sensee given my sleeping med starting to kick in as I type this.

Here is the thing...

I am trying to see how long I can go without using the air conditioning because

I grew up in a house where the AC went on in March and got turned off in late September so it is like the rebellious teenager inside me gets a chance to come out
I feel bad about the whole global warming thing, and figure it's a good contribution to fighting the "climate crisis"
I truly believe that no matter how loud the scientists scream and no matter how many stories the "liberal media" runs about global warming, we are fucked and global warming is coming because we are lazy assholes who like immediate gratification too much to deal with the inconvinence of changing the way we live (and because hybrid cars* will never sell....right), so living without AC is giving my body a chance to adapt to the upcoming climate carnage

*Did you know the reason foriegn auto makers came out with hybrids was because the USA companies kept saying there was no market for hybrids and it would put them out of business and then the government was like, well we need some liberal yuppie votes come reelection time so lets pass this bullshit legislation about how you all will come up with a hybrid car within five years but we won't really make you do it, and the Japaniese didn't understand it wasn't real, and they were like OH SHIT, WE BETTER COME UP WITH A CAR TO COMPETE WITH THEM! but there weren't really American hybrids so that's why there is not an American hybrid now. And I guess I should say Mexican hybrid, because I think that is where all the "American" cars are assembled, but I am not really sure about that, especially since they ran that Toyota Truck commercial for a while about them making toyota trucks in Indiana. All of this talk of other countries reminds me of THe Most Important Trivia Game Ever on the Comedy Central website where one of the competitions involves flying a little plane to countries on a list, but for some reason my computer always fucks up and my plane gets stuck the first place I land (even if it's right...I thought mabye I just needed to get the right country the first time, but then when Great Britain came up i KNOW wher ehtat is and my plane still got stuck) and I always lose that damn round of the game which really pisses me off. It's still a fun game, though, so you should check it out: http://www.comedycentral.com/games/brainteasers/daily_show_trivia.jhtml

Happy Feet, Sad Me

Tue, 22 May 2007 04:06:43 GMT

I watched Footloose with penguins Happy Feet tonight. I give it a C- because penguins are cute and I find computer animation visually pleasing. I also found it funny when the humans made sweeping environmental changes (penguin dancing is very compelling stuff!), but only within a 30 mile radius around the shores of Antarctica. If only coral reefs could tap dance...

I hope that I didn't just ruin anyone's day by not putting the Happy Feet spoiler behind a cut.

Maureen is out of town for the next 6 weeks. It's strange how many benefits there are to living with someone... no one to laugh at the silly local people on the evening news, no one to help give the guinea pig his medicine, no one to look at the strange bump I can feel on the back of my neck... I would say no one to watch Happy Feet with, but there's no way Maureen would have sat through that entire thing.

I must refrain from any substance use over the next 7 days (including the 3-day weekend) as I am on call for work. I went ahead and took an Ambien tonight, though, because the odds of someone having a crisis during a few hours of Ambien-impairment verses having an entire day of not-enough-sleep-impairment tomorrow from not being able to fall asleep are stacked in such a way that favours Ambien use. And it's starting to kick in, so I'm off to bed.

It's one for you, nineteen for me

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 03:52:02 GMT

I ~~started~~ finished my taxes tonight. Every single form was filled out by hand... until the feds make e-filing free, they can keep paying someone else to type in my information.

Writing Woes

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 02:48:18 GMT

Back in the day, I was involved in a campus ministry program that does a lot of good work. The leader sent out an e-mail looking for testimony of former students supporting said good work. So, I sit down to write said testimony, and said writing was very, very, very, very hard. So, said hardness made me realize that unless I am actively writing, I suck at writing.

Until this year, school forced me to write on a regular basis... now all I write are mental health intakes and progress notes. Maybe I will start trying to write in here a little more. I haven’t updated in so long the spiffy new rich text editor is throwing me off. Damn lj... I used to love impressing Maureen with my mad html skilz, making her font all different looking and inserting images and stuff...

And, for those of you who love stalking me and what-not, here is the testimony I wrote:

Last year, a course assignment required me to examine what personal experiences shaped my value system and how this connects to the ethical code of my profession.

Two experiences stand out as having the greatest impact on me; both were opportunities through the United Methodist Campus Ministry at Emporia State University. In 2001, I participated in a Civil Rights Study Tour. During this weeklong trip, we visited various monuments, museums, and other places important to the Civil Rights Movement. People who experienced the Movement firsthand spoke to us, bringing history to life. They also explained what types of discrimination they continue to face, and we visited organizations like the Southern Poverty Law Center that are continuing their work to foster tolerance in US society.

In 2002, I volunteered at Heifer Project, International’s educational ranch in Arkansas. The Heifer Project works to connect people in poverty with sustainable sources of income, such as livestock. At the educational ranch, I learned about poverty and inequality on a global scale. Both the Civil Rights Study Tour and the Heifer Project Ranch forced me to confront my privilege and critically access my apathetic approach to working for change. I realized that I could no longer be indifferent, but must actively work to advocate for social justice at a local, national, and global level. Several years later, I discovered that the field of social work embraced these values and decided to pursue my Master of Social Work degree.

My experiences illustrate the life-changing impact campus ministry programs have on young adults. In addition to creating a space for personal spiritual growth, UMCM directly contributes to social change by fostering individuals who personify Christ’s teachings of love and compassion for all people.

Once more I face life sans housewife

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 05:21:39 GMT

I have yet to completely escape the evil death grip of my last employer. Three weeks after my last day, they have yet to pay me for my last week of work, my mileage, or the 50 hours of vacation I accumulated in my short-but-not-nearly-short-enough tenure.

Now that I have the new job, I still haven’t decided if I should go back and make my entire journal friends only. I like the idea of having unprotected entries, but I’m also a tad concerned one of my clients might uncover my journal. I guess there’s nothing too racy for them to discover, but I still prefer for my personal life to remain cloaked by the shroud of professionalism. It gives me an air of mystique that I’m incapable of pulling off in real life.

Maureen returned to school/work this week. I miss my housewife. A lot. Enough to seriously consider trying to survive on one income. But my little missy wants to remain a working woman, so a working woman she will be!

I missed two days at the gym in a row.* :(

My iPod is really great. No wonder Apple is making a killing. For some reason, I have become obsessed with the song Chicago by Sufjan Stevens. It is at the top of my most played list now.

*I publicly announce this in hopes that the ensuing shame will motivate me to get back on track.

Does anyone even read this shit anymore?

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 07:41:00 GMT

Oh fair journal, how I neglect thee. I remember the good old days when updates were made daily, weekly at least, and now? Now you sit untouched for months, wasting away on the web that spans this wide, wide world.

I’m thinking about taking the update-every-day-for-an-entire-month-smack-down-challenge that is all the rage. Starting in February gives me quite the advantage--only 28 days be-otch! (Ah, 28 days... Just long enough to slip into a coma, only to wake up to discover England overrun by killer zombie people.)

The new job is going quite well thus far. Today I learned about deflecting physical attacks and escaping when someone grabs you. Maureen was most impressed when I used my spiffy new moves to free myself from her grip.

My mood has improved dramatically since getting the hell out of my last job, but getting regular sleep is still a struggle. For some reason the Ambien hasn’t been doing its thing anymore either. I stopped using it for over a week to see if my body was building up a tolerance, took it tonight, and nothing. I know the insomnia is stemming from nerves regarding work, as I sleep fine on the weekends (when planning my weekend activities now, the #1 factor in deciding what to do is whatever will maximize the amount of time I can spend asleep). I need to start practicing relaxation techniques more often.

Also, I had a wonderful date with my beautiful wife tonight. I need to kick up my wooing a notch to make sure my lovely lady remains happy. Nothing makes me feel better inside than seeing her smile.

I must be dreaming

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 07:14:14 GMT

I’ve just gotta take some time to brag about my pretty girl. With her time off (which I am sooooooooooo jealous of), she has done much for our household, including tackling the ominous junk pile in the study. It was not so much a pile, actually, but a section of the room overtaken by mounds of stuff...Imagine freshly dug graves in a pet cemetery strapped for space where they pile the dirt on knee high.

When I leave for work, other things magically transform, and I come home to clean dishes, yummy soup, and freshly laundered pig towels (washing the guinea pig towels is one of my standard chores that only I complete). I suspect Maureen is the one behind the magic.

What makes Maureen even more fabulous is her ability to cope with my jealousy, even when it crystallizes into a sense of entitlement much like the patriarchy-laden days of yore. You know, the whole “get in the kitchen and cook my dinner woman and shit yeah I expect you to pick my underwear up off the bathroom floor even though the hamper is 20 feet away” schpeal.

I suck so bad for not being asleep right now. Stupid wake/sleep cycle...after 25 years, I still can’t get it right.

............................... . . . ?

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 03:57:13 GMT

I did pretty much nothing this weekend, and damn did it feel good. My body has been harboring a sinus/eye infection for about a week, but I hate taking antibiotics. It seems that the combination of sleep, tussin, vitamins, and more sleep gave my immune system the boost it needed to recover. Take that, evil bacteria!

I’m super-pumped about the new job so far.

If I had many wishes, one would be used to make all of my allergies go away. Specifically, I would no longer be allergic to the guinea pigs. I would also wish for a more inspired, better written lj entry.

...wherever you may be...

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 04:33:59 GMT

This is very overdue, so I finally abandoned my good intentions of breaking out the good ol' scanner. You will just have to imagine that the bold text below is actually red text in a jovial font.

I got Christmas cards to send to all of the children on my case load. Keep in mind I work (well, worked...today was my last day) with kids in foster care.

I didn't actually read the cards before I purchased them. They contained the following messages inside:

Hope you have a merry Christmas, wherever you may be.

and

May the magic of the season create a home in your heart.

Yeah, I bought some different cards.

The letter M (with links!)

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 03:04:15 GMT

From untitlednothree, who gave me M for bad motha-watch-yo-mouth...

Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. Afterwards, post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.

I'm off to get my sweetie, my wonderful sweetie who's sweet!

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 02:53:14 GMT

In just over an hour, I get to see my honey again!!!